sMELL Me!

I have cologne and perfume collections. Those were gifts of my friends and relatives. I afford to have different scent with my different moods but I usually wear my natural scent…One time my cousin Diamel tried some of my perfumes…and she told me she preferred the scent of the one in the apple green box… and asked me if she could have it…I was stunned that she wore it… a little exaggerated but I almost screamed in admonition. She touched my precious perfume, my prized scent. It was not expensive perfume but It was a gift of my beloved cousin …it was in green box and with label “Remember You”… It was the first time that she bought something for me…and she gave it before leaving for New Zealand… When I asked for reason for the gift…she said it was for the kindness I bestowed to her…her answer filled my heart with so much gladness. It was so nice to feel appreciated. I really kept the perfume in the special part of my room, so sentimental not to wear it. I just snip the smell in the bottle …lol… Scent of it makes me smile.
I think good smell is so important and a very distinctive part of our personality. Especially for women like us who have the noses of our husbands. Perfume can set the mood and can make us a little sexy and flirty… I want people to remember me when they smelled a perfume and not with the scent of anything else…
‘Nothing awakens a reminiscence like an odor”- Victor Hugo

I need to buy my own car

Funny yet bad experience for me!
I was not feeling well yesterday and so I just decided to go home to my pad near the office. So I shopped for a while for some foods and looked for tricycle. I hesitated to ride the tricycle for a while when I saw that the only available seat was beside the passenger at the back of the Driver… but I was not feeling well so I settled for the seat. I was almost in crouch position, my legs were hanged and I just gripped the rusty metal…when the tricycle started to run I felt the hard metal in my butt and I banged my head in the ceiling of it…a bumpy ride…until the driver stopped and said “ What a heck…my tire got flat…” He stared the tire below my seat... “Exchange position, the heavy one seat beside me” He referred to me. So I just immediately moved without a word…He looked again at the tire and he shook his head…and then the petite girl inside volunteered herself to trade with my position. Finally the tricycle ran again but you could hear the tires bearing crunching…I secretly smiled to myself…when I paid the driver for my fare he gave me a fierce look as if it was really my fault…he should be thankful I lost many pounds already… I encountered his with disappointed face as if saying you got a junk ride…
I talked to my husband and I told him that I need to look for a car…or I might lose my life with the tricycle drivers that I got tires flattened…My Husband me not to lose my life but lose more weight…lol. I started to look for car the least is second hand for my service . LuckilyI saw wonderful cars, the old model beetle. I really like to have a bettle car only that I need to put price into consideration...though something vintage will surely add excitement to my life.I will keep my fingers crossed until I have it I promise to post pictures of my car...

Flying Tired

I am so sad today just really sad… I am lacking for the zest in life…

Halloween is coming and I missed my cousin Mumay, we used to buy costume every year and spent merely whole day in Malls looking for decoration ideas and bargain costumes.

My officemate wore a mask and frightened me yesterday, I missed the 5 year old Mumay more who used to wear mask and black cloth and running and running in our village trying to frighten anyone…

Gosh I really missed her…

We chat yesterday and I missed her more… I wanted to hug and kiss her…she seemed so near yet so far…we are in different side of the Globe..

I am so sorry but I really miserably miss her…

It is really hard to miss someone you love so much…

I see her face in those creepy masks… as if saying WHOOOAAAAA a HI hi hi Hi! Did I frighten you too much Ninang?

I am here to fetch you! I don’t want to go alone!

For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity. All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again. (Ecclesiastes 3:19,20)

“At first I found the curtains untied, I am so sure I put a nice ribbon on it, and then my bingo cards seemed moving in its own, I know I just put it all in my pocket and yet I found some in the table …I went home and yet something or somebody seemed calling me to comeback to Aunt’s funeral. .. This is something, Maybe her spirit wanted to convey something.” Speculated by aghast Zenia.

Zenia merely took care of her sick Aunt Beth, after a month of suffering she died peacefully. At the burial Zenia was so visible to everybody, so busy in entertaining guests and relatives, including me, she was our Aunt’s favorite and the constant vision of our Aunt’s spirit could be the reason. Because of typhoon Ondoy the family had to cancel the scheduled burial to another day and that began speculations of Bad Omen…

She could not understand what her Aunt wanted to convey with her dreams and the feeling that the spirit was always around, knowing her Aunt to be neat freaked, Zenia presumed her Aunt wanted her to clean the home.

She woke up early and devoted her entire day cleaning Aunt Beth’s house. So tired that she had the most peaceful sleep. When she woke up the next morning she could recall her Aunty smiling in her dream that night…

Still elated, she went to the sink to wash her face…as she looked at the mirror she noticed something different, her face seemed derange. Her left eye got a little smaller and could hardly move her lips… She immediately called her husband and they rushed to the hospital…Zenia suffered stroke…A stroke is the rapidly developing loss of brain function(s) due to

disturbance in the blood supply to the brain. This can be due to ischemia (lack of blood supply) caused by thrombosis or embolism or due to a hemorrhage. As a result, the affected area of the brain is unable to function, leading to inability to move one or more limbs on one side of the body, inability to understand or formulate speech, or inability to see one side of the visual field. Zenia then dozed to sleep and brain death immediately followed. I received a text message that she died that 10:00 am, so I immediately passed the message and cried in the bathroom with my other Aunty, suddenly it became comedy because we received another message stating "not yet". I panicked for my credibility to those I texted...But relieved she was alive.. at 1:00 pm another text message of her death...I clever enough, called the hospital to clarify the real time of death...

In Zenia’s burial I heard her premonition stories…anticipation of or anxiety over a future event. Apparently she told one of my cousins that when she die she wanted to wear hand gloves to hide her veins, put a clear line in her eyebrows and she wished Aunt Beth to fetch her…She’s been earlier diagnosed with diabetes before and the tiring job and lacked of sleeps because of Aunt Beth aggravated her condition and that must cost her death. Maybe Aunt Beth did not call her at all but really fetched her. Maybe what she conveyed in her dreams was “I don’t want to go alone Zenia, come with me”, all the better coz the story was true.I was so horrified.

As I stared in her coffin I still could not believed that my cheerful Zenia who saluted us, offered us something to eat and played Bingo with us just last burial was now the one we are playing bingo for.
May her soul rest in peace.

I made my Mommy Happy!

"Prayer requires more of the heart than the tongue."
Adam Clarke
I have been doing things that could make my Mom Happy… kind a dubious sometimes if I was able to cheer her… But this time I am so confident … You know what I did? I bought again so many candles, in different scents, colors and shapes.
It’s been our tradition for 31 years to offer candles and flowers to my Dad every November 1, All Saints Day… I could still recall the excitement in my Mother’s face as she stared at the candles I obtained for my father…in the past I thought it was the money she saved from buying candles that made her happy…lol… But it was the notion that she could still do something for the only man she loved, her first love, first boyfriend, the father of her kids and the only man she still loves now…
My mom, brother and I with different perspective in my Father’s grave…
My mother every All Saints Day would wake up us early and should spend the whole day in Cemetery, rain or shine we would sit quietly near the tomb and maintain the candles lighted…Making candle balls entertained me, it was sort of competition to my classmates…the biggest candle ball for the school…and shall be used as floor wax …(we used candle balls to draw on the floor then wiped it with cloth), many vendors were selling ice cream, cotton candy and it appeared like a feast or a joyful occasion to me when I was a kid. My Mom sort of believed that my father was in that grave and also in the theory that souls return in the world every November 1. The lighted candles would save his soul…I used to believe that too.
On the other hand my brother who in his younger years used to kiss the tomb before leaving started to feel debauched. He would dissipate my Mom’s philosophy. “I will never ever agree that my father is still there”, he told my Mom. He believes that father is in Heaven. It was ineffectual to dwell entire day in Cemetery and risked the own health of our Mother. The whole became half and later on the earliest time in the morning only for my Mom as my brother directed. My brother never light a candle…but I swear he too paused and said his prayers…
I might draw a tomb if asked for a picture of my father…lol… I am the constant partner of my Mom every November 1. Though was more on my brother’s beliefs, those things were for satisfaction and maybe lessen the thirst we were feeling for our father. However I still set aside a certain amount of money for flowers and candles... it was not all for my Dad but more over for my Mom…for her happiness and for her satisfaction that she accomplished her vows to my Dad.
I also consider the parable Jesus told specifically designed to encourage people to keep on asking until the results come in. It's called "The Parable of the Persistent Widow" in Luke 18:1-8. In it he acknowledges that some things are going to take time but that God expects and encourages us to continue and that we will see results AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Sometimes God has a whole lot of background stuff to do in order to get the answer ready to come to fruition.
It is a great promise of scripture that our prayers can avail much. We can pray and get answers. There is such a thing as effective prayer.

I hope my mother’s prayers could really improve what ever condition he is in. I on my part never cease to say my own prayers for them… November 1 can be just a tradition to some but for us it is my Mom’s day for Daddy.

It is more than enough!

Special thanks to : Song Bubbly byColbie Caillat

Video by my good looking Brother Joy

Video Star: Juday

Supporting Stars: Chuchay and Mumay

Unexpectedly magnificent stuffs fell on places. I received a work inducement to voyage in Macau and Hongkong this November; the office initiated our travel papers. I found it unusual to process passport for only 30 minutes…I previously rejected works abroad for having no passport. Well sure, there were other reasons but I thought it would really be very difficult and shall take 2 day long process in Department of Foreign Affairs to secure a travel permit.LOL…Travel Agencies survived through that fallacy…

When my God daughters who recently migrated to New Zealand learned that I got my very first passport, they were more excited and bugged me about visiting there…Chuchay even pleaded to me. My Uncle wanted me to process tourist permit ASAP and Air fare will be shouldered by them. I just laughed and told them that it was already night time and I will be there right away in the morning…I appreciate that we equally missed each other. They didn’t know it was the best thing for me… those words were enough for me…to hear them wanting me to be part of their lives again, not just through cyber space.

I long to hug them again, been wanting to smell their newly shampooed hair, to pinch and kiss their chicks, excited to cook for them and I want to hear their exciting stories after school just like the old days… I crave for so many things to do with them…family gatherings seemed not complete without them…I really missed them.

If I could only borrow the magic stone of Philippine Super Hero Darna and fly right away to New Zealand I surely did…However securing travel papers is not austere…it is not like just going to Hongkong that only money and passport matter…Anyways I will do all the possible things I can just to hold their hands once more and I will let God do the Impossible…To Juday, Chuchay and Mumay I know you are devout to Jesus too….please continue praying and soon we will be together again…a month with you is enough don’t pray for more LOL…preserve the yellow tulips for me. I love you all!

Please meet Mumay!

I would like you to meet Trisha, we fondly call her Mumay. She was six years old only in the video. She saw a video of three fat woman with really big boobs showing…she maybe idolized them and came up with her own video… we were surprised when she dressed up with high heeled shoes and her Mom’s bag and put lot of stuffs in her breast…we really laughed as she danced like a sexy star and almost stumbled when she raised her leg as finale to her dance number…

I really love this girl…

Daddy's Little Girl

You Can Let Go

by: Crystal Shawanda

Wind blowin’ on my face

Sidewalk flyin’ beneath my bike

A five year-old’s first taste

Of what freedom’s really like

He was runnin’ right beside me

His hand holdin’ on the seat

I took a deep breath and hollered

As I headed for the street

Chorus

You can let go now, Daddy

You can let go

Oh, I think I’m ready

To do this on my own

It’s still .. it still feels .. a little bit scary

But I want you to know

I’ll be ok now,

DaddyYou can let go

I was standin’ at the altar

Between the two loves of my life

To one I’ve been a daughter

To one I soon would be a wife

When the preacher asked,

‘Who gives this woman?’

Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears

He kept holdin’ tightly to my arm

‘Till I whispered in his ear

Chorus

You can let go now, Daddy

You can let go

Oh, I think I’m ready

To do this on my own

It’s still .. it still feels .. a little bit scary

But I want you to know

I’ll be ok now,

DaddyYou can let go

It was killin’ me to see

The strongest man

I ever knew

Wastin’ away to nothin’

In that hospital room

‘You know he’s only hangin’ on for you’

That’s what the night nurse said

My voice and heart were breakin’

As I crawled up in his bed, and said

You can let go now, Daddy

You can let go

Your little girl is ready

To do this on my own

It’s gonna be a little bit scary

But I want you to know

I’ll be ok now, Daddy

You can let go

You can let go

I saw this video in my face book account, as I was gazing at the video tears automatically came flowing from my eyes… the lyrics of the song was written so honestly that it punched straight to my heart. I was amused how the simple song and pictures brought painful emotions on my part.

I shared the video with my cousin whose father died October last year and in the part…
It was killin’ me to see the strongest man I ever knew

Wastin’ away to nothin’ In that hospital room
She cried so hard that I had to comfort her… the song was startling.
You can let go now daddy…hmmm…ahhhh…My dad died when I was one year old baby…I stunned when I saw the dad in the video taught his little girl how to ride the bicycle…that must be a great moment for both of them…

I remembered how many times I stumbled and bruised my knees in wanting to learn how to ride a bike. Ohh I am beginning to cry… I never thought I would be this emotional…

Since young I demonstrated strong aura… When I was in Elementary years I asked people why should I feel mediocre to my classmates. They didn’t go in the school with their fathers! With my ideals I became the Class leader and First Honors of the class. I even emerged as strong youth leader in my teen years. I detested people pitying me…

I recalled myself as little girl…so strong…faked to be strong…Only now that I realized the little girl never stop yearning for the father’s hug. In this song I realized that my classmates had fathers at home who maybe taught them to ride the bike, fathers that hugged them when their pets died and fathers that accompanied them in dark alleys.
This strong warrior will always be Daddy’s little girl.

I was standin’ at the altarBetween the two loves of my lifeTo one I’ve been a daughterTo one I soon would be a wifeWhen the preacher asked,‘Who gives this woman?’Daddy’s eyes filled up with tearsHe kept holdin’ tightly to my arm‘Till I whispered in his ear
You can let go now, Daddy

When I got married I preferred the kind of wedding that I never walk to the altar with a father… I didn’t want to ruin my make up in that special occasion…But I wished to walk in the altar with my Daddy… I really wanted to…How I wish I could….

The video brought so many emotions to me… now I want you to know Daddy…

You can let go now, DaddyYou can let goYour little girl is readyTo do this on my ownIt’s gonna be a little bit scaryBut I want you to knowI’ll be ok now, DaddyYou can let goYou can let go

I am letting you go Daddy…though I didn’t really have you. Someday, somehow you will see your little girl again and I want you to know that your little girl learned how to ride a bike on her own… There is a space in my life that nobody could fill but you Daddy. I love you Dad!

Cracked Eggs!

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.~Buddha~

I rushed to finish my office errands. I have been complimentary working for four hours, overtime with out earnings, but that’s not a trouble with me, I completely value the office memo of cost curtail…funds was not an issue….just that I found insufferable to come home late…. Without make up retouch, I hurried to the entrance/exit hall, it was locked…my gosh…nobody’s around…until I heard somebody called me ..and showed me the way out… we entered a room in our Construction Department to pass through, there were pieces of woods, buckets of paints, mostly light materials….

Something called our attention, the smell of something grilling… we were so shocked that there over the table near the combustible materials was a lighted lampshade, plugged electric stove with boiling sweet potato starting to overdo…who must be responsible with that cooking? I instantaneously pulled out the plug and we tried to look for the moron cook…after few minutes we decided to go out and there we discovered our Dear Caretaker who admitted the stunts…but according to him he put lots of water. What went on his mind? He tried to save some money for dinner instead of eating in our Canteen he chose to cook his very own sweet potato in a place nobody could see? What about the safety of our Company? The electricity consumption? We been working for free just to cut the expenses for the Company not to result in employee’s retrenchment and there he was used electric stove secretly in the most wrong place. I would not be this irritated if he watched for them to cook. He brought peril to the security of the Company. He should not forget that the confidence of the Company to his service was the most important part of his employment.

It was me who discovered and reported his offense. Being one of Administrative officers I was tasked to issue a memorandum which he answered with full admission then I issued his suspension initially for 15 days.

We vigilantly appraised his aggregate performance and came up with non discriminatory decision. After thorough assessment of the gravity of his disobedience of the Company Policies, they demanded me to prepare his termination letter for the acts inimical to the security of the Company and failure to observe health or safety rules.
Dismissal memo finished.

Where was my heart to afford to terminate somebody I treated friend during recession? No assurance of him was having another work. It made me truly sad for him though I needed to do my job and I had to protect our sense of security and the Company that feeds thousands of families

At the end of my letter I didn’t forget to give him warm wishes, thanked him for being part of our Company and wished him all the luck in his next endeavors.

I tried my best to compose the letter, later on I realized no matter how beautifully written the letter was, it still brought dreadful message…termination letter was the worst letter I ever done.