A walk with God

Thank you God for the gift of life...I know you are with me...


Everyday is a chance to walk with you... Thank you for everything and  for giving me the right attitude in every situation...


You have a plan for me and thank you very much for humbling me... The honing is painful but i trust you oh God. 

bUSY ME

On Sunday I am going to enter graduate school. I am going to study Master’s in Public Administration.

 I promise to do very well and exert   all my efforts into self improvement. My strength is for development and not for my husband’s habit.

My stumbling blocks is going to be my stairs up…I will just step into it... I will be very busy to have time for crying…

God have mercy on me. 

Getting out of hand

Yesterday…

My husband fetched me in the grocery store…as I entered the car I knew he got alcohol effect…for the first time he admitted that he got too many.

 I  just stared in disappointment and inhaled without exhaling a thousand times…trying to control his  speed in driving… thank God we arrived safe at home after numerous lined up accidents. I just let him sleep and did the laundry, brushed and cleaned the bathroom… my tears fell in my cheeks while doing the errands… times that I wish to have a father to discipline my husband. I feel like in a dome with me, myself and I, no one really cares for my situation.

I exhausted myself and dozed to sleep…this is going to be a habit I guess.

Early this morning I learned that   in their drinking session yesterday he was attacked by his drinking mate with a bolo.  The commotion though was controlled by my cousins… His drinking habit is getting out of hand and he might lose his life in irrelevant manner.

 I plan to brush the floor  of our whole house after office. 

Off Beam

I hate occasions, special occasions because I know that I will have to deal with different person.

Yes my loving husband seems to turn into stranger every time alcohol is in him. Considering my phobia with drunken person aggravates the situation. I cry in silence and sometimes in hysteria.

Just last Sunday my neighbor’s child celebrated his 1^st birthday, a license to drink for my husband. I forced him to go home as I noticed his over drinking. He kept on talking about his money spending   in my advantage and it really hurt me. I cried all night and got swollen eyes and because of that I decided not to go to office because my appearance will only reveal my situation.

 It surprised him why I wasn’t able to go to office and asked why I cried. He just laughed and admitted that he got out of control. He then promised over again not to do it but still insisting that he is not doing wrong.

Once I confessed my problem with a friend, I am not really happy with his drinking habits and she took it as if nothing was really wrong. My husband remains calm and sleeps after the drinking spree…though he is a quiet drinker, he drives a vehicle and he had put my life and other’s lives into danger many times because of that. Days after over drinking he will surely have asthma attack, cough and high blood pressure and still he will insist that he is not off beam.  

Oh Lord has mercy on me!

White Lies

In my younger years  my teacher taught me that when a person  ask you “How are You?”, you will answer back “ I am fine, thank you!”. The teaching emanates in my personality.

Every time a person inquires how I am doing ’I graciously say “Oh no worries”.

At this moment I am answering in view of brightening somebody’s day… not to impart the misery I am going through…talking about white lies.

Choice

I am sad…yes I am….but I am right…yes I am… Is it just alright to be right and sad about it? Talking about life choices.